Blech. That's what I have to say about today. I'm sad to say that too since it was so beautiful out today. It seemed like today was my own personal series of unfortunate events. (I know- I'm totally just whining- but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!)
It actually started out okay, As we were walking out to the Jeep this morning, Owen noticed the woodpecker in our neighbor's tree and said, "Do you hear that noisey pecker, Mommy?"
How can your day be bad if it starts out like that?
Owen had a field trip today to the police station and I chaperoned. Owen was NOT on his best behavior there, and I was getting pretty frustrated with him. The field trip was over before the school day was, so I dropped him back off at school and then went to do my grocery shopping for Fiesta Night (more details to come on this SPLENDID event!) When I got back to the school to pick him up, I got a not-so-good report. On the way home, I tried to talk to Owen about what Mrs. Hughes had told me and he totally denied it. I finally got him to tell me the truth by threatening that he would have to go straight to bed when we got home without lunch.
After lunch, I tried to work with him to get his homework done. He fought me every step of the way. He just absolutely refused to listen to what I was telling him, refused to do things the correct way, refused to even hold his head up or his crayon correctly. I got soooo mad at him that I totally lost it. That's right, I literally blew up at him, and screamed and shouted ugly things, spanked him, and sent him to his room.
Then I cried. I felt so guilty for having yelled at him like that- and for having spanked him in anger. I mean I lose my patience with him frequently, but I rarely just totally rage at him. I felt like crap the rest of the day for having lost my cool with him. That's really going to help him understand and like school more- if Mommy turns into an ugly, raging beast every time the homework comes out.
Ughh- I hate that I reacted that way. Hate it.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one to have raged at their child. Someone please tell me that they have a child who turned out A-OK after having been raged at. I apologized to Owen and I explained to him that Mommy yelling at him like that was not okay, and that I would be better.
I just feel like crap. Mommy fail. I hate these days.
On top of this, I had another "event" that totally perturbed me today. I can't/won't go into details here because someone might know someone related to this happening that reads this blog- and I don't want it to go any farther than it has. It was ugly, hurtful, and unnecessary. Nuff said.
So today, there are no cute pictures. There's only truth. Some days it's ugly, some days it makes me want to crawl under a rock and hide, but it's the truth. I can't change how it happened today, all that I can do is pray, and give it my all tomorrow.